I never knew where mother hood would take me or my life for that matter. When I was younger I didn’t strive for greatness or even try to do my best. It was all about what I could get away with and how much. Where could I be that wasn’t home and who could I be with. When I met Travis I didn’t even want kids. I just wanted to have fun and keep on, keepin on living that free, easy life. Getting pregnant with Levi changed everything.
To say I was excited to be having a baby is a lie. I was not ready and felt like it was the end of my life. Then my pregnancy ended up being terrible and I was sick the entire time which made me not want a baby even more. I was expecting a picture perfect pregnancy like I had seen in movies. No one had even warned me about how bad it could possibly be. I thought when the baby was born it would all go away. The sickness, my craziness, all of it. I was wrong.
He was born and it was glorious. I was happy he was out of me and we were starting something new. Never did I expect to have post partum depression…for a year. Never did I expect that he would have colic and never sleep. He was an extremely difficult baby and I was an extremely difficult person for anyone to deal with. Fortunately for everyone, Levi and I grew together and I was good at being a mother. I was/am a psychotic, clean freak, mental case. But I am good at being a mother. Levi has grown to be everything I would have expected given his time in the womb and after. He’s nuts!
This all brings me to Delylah. I waited 5 years after Levi before having her. Same type of pregnancy but not a crazy me. By that time something inside of me had changed and I was ready to handle more. Ready to be something more. Levi gave that to me. He may never know that it was him but it was. Delylah has always been so different. Easy baby. Always slept. I wasn’t crazy (or as crazy). She has always been sickly but there’s always something with kids right?
Today she turns 6! I can’t believe I have made it this far with them and how much I have changed and watched them change. A blessing of motherhood. From not ever doing my best to striving for greatness in everything I do and then some. I know they are watching me and I want them to do the same. Delylah is more and more like me everyday. Her stubbornness. Her strong will. Her big mouth! Her voracious appetite for ice cream! Her weirdness! She does get it from her mama and I’m damn proud.
My kids have helped me grow into a better person and continue to do so on a daily basis. From the post partum depression, to the therapy sessions with Levi and all the doc appointments with Delylah. They never cease to amaze me with their greatness. If they can do it, so can I.