Things You Just Gotta Handle Now That You’re An Adult

I bought the adult ticket and now I’m taking the ride. What a rollercoaster of twists and turns this motherhood thing has turned out to be. It’s the small stuff that no one tells you about that will blow your mind and occupy so much of your time. The only thing you can do is stare adulting in the face and say goodbye to your pants-less, formerly gross bedroom-self and take the adulting challenge because you’re a parent now. Here’s five things you gotta handle now.

Less Sleep Is Your Life Now

The operating on less sleep doesn’t stop at the infant stage. If you want to get anything done for yourself, sure, there are those days when you say, “I need a day for me.” But, by in large, your “me” time will happen after everyone else goes to bed. If you want to do something creative, hear your own thoughts, watch something that isn’t a cartoon — you’re going to be doing it in the wee hours. Sure, it would be fun if you were well rested, but this is the compromise of motherhood. Not only that, but your 7 or 12 year old will be up all night with fevers, vomiting, diarrhea and many more sicknesses they will acquire while at school and you will be up with them until 4:30 am only to have your alarm ringing in your ear at 5am to get your other kids up for school.

The Weather Takes On A Level Of Importance You Never Knew Existed

Right?! Literally no one will tell you that the weather, of all things, will greatly impact your life now that you’re a parent. Gone are the days when you only paid attention to snow days because, hello, “DAY OFF FROM SCHOOL” the angels sang. Now as a bonafide adult/parent there’s all kinds of weather for you to pay attention to — is it a drizzle or deluge, snow or sleet, freezing rain or hot as hell? I know that people like to workout by running marathons and rolling gigantic tires as some kind of endurance test, but have you amassed the strength and stamina (let alone patience) it takes for snowsuit layers worn for exactly 2.3 seconds so you and your three-foot tiny human can quarter-ass a snowman in the dead of February? Now that’s a workout.

Color Coding The Hell Out Of A Calendar

There are schedules to keep and appointments to show up to where you’re kind of on time but within the penalty-free window of lateness; and bills to pay and auto-drafts you need to remember and too few payday reminders. Not that you need to remember those, but I have it on my calendar as something that isn’t a bill and, of course, it’s color-coded green for funsies. Yes, as an adult now, you write things like “funsies” and also longingly glance over at your napping cat living her best life, like, wanna trade places?

Schedules and Routines Are A Thing You Create For Your Own Sanity

As a mom, schedules are essential. Yes, I want my children to be well rested, but I also want my me time to start as soon as possible. If that means the sun is still shining at 8 o’clock then, looks like that’s what dark curtains were created for and worth every penny. Am I a drill sergeant about scheduling our lives? Absolutely not, but there is order in the chaos: dinner is around five, bedtime is around eight, and every night we do this, this and that. I was once the person who believed I did my best work under deadline. I’m still that person except the deadline is bedtime and how long can I keep my sanity before it arrives. The stakes are high, folks.

You Will Read The Fine Print And Almost Understand It

In adult world there are so many papers with teeny, tiny fine print. It’s your job now to read it and just about understand it. Yes, this will require you to read, go back, zone out, go back again and have the light bulb of recognition go off. But with car insurance, it doesn’t get any easier than having AAA explain everything to you with their 24-hour customer assistance. It’s like you’re a kid again and didn’t even have to try — you just asked a question and someone else told you how things work. Oh, the glory of those bygone days!

Happy Tuesday My Friends

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