I pick Delylah up from school everyday. This is my job because I’m a mom. She is pretty good most of the time but usually as we are driving away or buckling up she begins to cry. Yes, she is super emotional and often dramatic. Yet since school started she has been crying about the same thing all the time.
Kids are mean to her. They hurt her feelings. They say mean things to her. They cut her in line. Etc.Etc.
Yesterday after the crying subsided I asked her who her best friends at school are and why she doesn’t just play with them more. Her reply caught me off guard but not by much. She told me her best friends are the very girls that are mean to her!? What the hell are we doing to our kids people!?
I can see that these girls are the more “popular” of the 5 year olds and Delylah wants to fit in and have everyone like her. They are pretenders. As in “Let’s pretend we like her and then be mean to her. She’ll keep coming back because she thinks we like her and we have someone to be mean to.”
So I explained to her that your friends don’t make you cry and certainly aren’t mean to you. I showed her examples of my friends and have they ever made me cry? She understood and we moved on. I proceeded with the questioning like any mom would. I asked her who is nice to her at school. She rattled off a big list of kids. A lot were boys but there were some girls in there. I told her “those kids are her friends. They are nice to you because they want to be. They like you!”
Yet she still argued the mean girls were her best friends.
I know I can’t pick her friends. I know I can only do what I am doing and be a good parent by talking with her and supporting her. But at some point a line will have to be drawn and I’m pretty close to that point.
One of these kids told Delylah a scary story about her doll coming to life and how it’s soo real. Delylah argued the fact this girl was telling the truth to the point to tears and now believes the doll is coming to get any girl who is blonde…..like Delylah! (That’s what her so called best friend told her) Needless to say she is terrified now and I’m even more pissed off.
School started in August and she is on her 3rd the pair of glasses from getting pushed around. She has torn up the same amount of pants from being pushed around and the emotional/mental crap she is having to endure is daily. I didn’t go through stupid shit like this until I was a teenager. Kids and parents were different in the 90’s.
Just because she is emotional and more dramatic she is a target for kids. The kids doing this see it somewhere and repeat the cycle. I have shown my kids kindness, honesty and to use their voices. Something Delylah is getting torn down for and now believes her “friends” are right.
We already do Krav Maga (a self defense martial arts class) and will begin staying after class for her to learn more techniques and how to use her voice more with kids and adults.
I just pray the entire school year doesn’t go like this and that she will grow more into the strong, honest girl I know her to be! She is all of these things at home yet at school is intimidated trying to fit in.
Don’t let your kids be a victim.
Don’t let your kids be the predator/bully either.
Open your eyes and your hearts and do what’s right!