Saving Time By Interviewing Mom Friends

I have posted before about how hard it is to make friends. I am going to do it again.
I have moved to another state where I have no family and friends. I know no one except my own family and I am trying to make friends. I have made some friends and some people I have met just don’t make the cut. Some people I’m still contemplating about and frankly, this is all so new we all should all be contemplating how well this will turn out. As much as I’d love to skip off to Target or lunch or drinks, I’ve been burned before. By drama, by one kid bashing mine on the head with a rock, by people suddenly turning crazy, by parents not being able to stay out of kid stuff. So, if you want to be my friend there are some things we need to get out-of-the-way, right away. I don’t have time to just play around anymore. I have laundry to do and psychic energy to preserve for beasties who tug on my body and inexplicably take their clothes off. So let’s get this started….
DO YOU RESPECT MY PARENTING CHOICES?
I am a Hippie, free loving, conservative, figure it out, wait let me help you, I’m still figuring it out too, kind of parent. I’m strict, have a routine and schedule and that’s how we like it and keep it. You let your kid sleep with you and don’t have a bed time? I don’t care. But I don’t have time for all that.
DO WE HAVE KIDS AROUND THE SAME AGE THAT AREN’T A VERSION OF “CHUCKIE”?
It is much easier to be friends if our kids are friends too. That gives us more time to sit back and drink coffee while they destroy parts of the house we’re not presently looking at. They need to like each other too and neither should be a bully.
DO YOU REALIZE KIDS DON’T ALWAYS GET ALONG?
Kids play games where they don’t always get along. They usually get over it but that’s not a reason to get involved and try to fix it. They’re kids and just because one is crying because they are playing a game doesn’t mean “something” bad happened. Feelings get hurt over misunderstandings while growing up and it usually just needs to be explained. (I have to explain bull shit like this to my kids all the time) No one needs to be punished for this. One day it might be your kid making the other one cry for this misunderstanding, another day it might be another kid. It’s a part of growing up.
DO YOU SEEK TO REMOVE ALL EXTRANEOUS DRAMA FROM YOUR LIFE?
That means no gossiping, backbiting, secret-telling, or rumor-mongering. It means you don’t talk shit on the regular just for attention (I don’t care who it’s about) and you’re not a member of secret Facebook message threads created solely to bitch about other people. This crap just sucks the life out of everyone involved. I don’t have time to be a part of it. Take your mama-drama elsewhere.
ARE YOU EASILY GROSSED OUT?
I know parents who are grossed out by vomit, breast-feeding, diarrhea, even mud! In this house, while I am a bit of a clean freak, these things don’t freak me out. You must be open to discussion of these topics as well as labor, diva cups, constipation in kids and adults. This is just for starters. Once the conversation gets going it can get down and dirty quick and who wants to censor a sex conversation?
DO YOU HAVE POLITICAL OPINIONS?
They are probably not the same as mine. And you will never know mine because I hate getting into heated debates. People who are super passionate about politics don’t shut the hell up. This is how you lose friends or don’t even get them. This for sure will tell me if we can be friends. I don’t want to listen to political debates…especially heated ones. You will think I am stupid because I am keeping quiet. That is fine. In all reality, I am refraining from a heated argument about something that we can not control.
DO YOU WANT TO GO TO TARGET?
This is a trick question…
Of course you do!
THINGS I DON’T CARE ABOUT AND EXPECT YOU NOT TO EITHER…
Whether the laundry is done or not
Whether the house is clean or not. Unless you’ve reached roach level. Then you have a problem.
Whether or not your dishes are done.
If you let your kid cry it out.
How old you are.
If your boobs are for recreational or practical usage.
If you’re a SAHM or SAHD or working mom or working dad.
If you’re gay, straight, poly or whatever. Love is Love is Love is Love!
If you passed said interview, Congratulations!
Lets go to Target!
Happy Tuesday My Friends

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