I posted this months ago and felt it necessary in my current situation to remember it, therefore I am posting it again with some new added remarks. Enjoy!
There is a little game I like to play (in my own head) it’s called “All The Ways I Suck At Being A Mom.” I usually play it when my kids are mid trantrum or I’ve told them at least 5 times do something. Or after I have called their names what seems like a billion times only to get the “WWWHHHAAAATTTTT,” as if it was the first time and I’m a nagging bitch! Do I sound like a teacher from Charlie Brown? Can you not understand me? So I begin to wonder, what the hell am I doing wrong?
But then I remember….
I am a mom and I’m freaking BADASS!! I do a lot for those kids, my husband and our house. So I remind myself of all the ways I am a Badass, because I am a mom. All moms are badass! That’s right! You, Yes You, are a badass!
So in case you are in need of a little pep talk or need a few reminders about all the ways you are a mother effing badass, here is a list of some of the ways moms show their badassery:
Using words like badassery
Cleaning up vomit
Cleaning up vomit in the middle of the night
Cleaning up vomit in the middle of the night in your own bed
Smelling a nasty ass diaper from three rooms away
Cleaning up after playdates
Making sure no kid drowns in the pool even though you hope they stay under for just a little longer so you can bask in the silence
Chaufferring kids to extra curricular crap and bringing snacks for at least half the kids
Carrying a preschooler and a newborn at the same time
Putting up with the assholery that is toddlerhood
Refraining from actually calling the toddler an ass hole
Translating the toddler babble- Knowing that “Meeka” means milk and “fuff koo” means love you
Getting up at the ass crack of dawn to deal with kids after a night of drinking
Parenting with a hangover
Enduring every tea party, mario game, pirate adventure, minecraft bullshit and any other type of pretend play
Answering questions like “I know where baby’s come from but how are they made?” And “Why do some boys kiss boys?” And “Why did that lady say that about you?” (All legit in my house)
Dealing with a pubescent tween and not losing your shit every two seconds they open their mouth being an ass hole
Wondering what that god awful smell is coming from your tweens room and having the balls to sniff it out
Again, refraining from calling your pubescent tween an ass hole
Making dinner while finishing homework, feeding the toddler and cleaning as you go. Multi-tasking on steroids
Transitioning yoga pants from exercise attire to business casual to pajamas, as necessary
Enduring various hells on Earth, better known as Chuck E. Cheese’s, The Mall, any type of fair
Not giving an eff about non-eff-worthy things
Feeling Badass, regardless if our kids think we are or not.
See. I told you, you are a Badass!
(This doesn’t mean dads aren’t badass because they are but this post isn’t for them)
Now, go on with your bad(ass) self!
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