My Struggle Is Real

Dealing with an angry kid seems to be a daily occurrence. He has gotten so much better than he once was but the anger is still there and will always be there. That’s one thing I know that I will never fix. As a parent we want to fix everything. We just CAN’T! I have spent a greater part of his life putting everything I have towards him to help him, to make him better and forgetting about myself. When really if I wanted to help him I would be putting myself first. Yes, that sounds bizarre but if I were at my best I would be a better parent. Be able to be happy, patient and logical no matter what the situation was with him.

During his meltdowns yesterday all I wanted to do was whoop his ass and then leave him in his room while I left to get a breather. I kept it together enough that none of that happened but the way I talked to him wasn’t nice and probably did no good because of where my head was. I know better. I’m an adult and I haven’t been where he is so I don’t know how he feels but I do know how to have patience. It’s so hard to have patience when the anger is directed towards you constantly and the words that come from their mouths are so hurtful whether they mean them or not. I have had patience for 3 years and counting now…………….

The hardest part of parenting is figuring it out. Only, you are lucky if you ever really do figure it out. The struggle I have is real and I know many other parents have the same struggle and are embarrassed to talk about it or get help. I’m not embarrassed. I know I’m wrong half the time if not more. But I’m trying. I also know that I’m not 100%. I don’t do anything for myself. My whole world is focused around my kids, my house, my ranch. To do better for everyone else I realize I have to do better for myself. I thought having this blog was a good step in that direction but I write this around my kids schedule. I don’t take time out and go in another room for quiet with my thoughts. I usually wake up before them to write or like today Delylah is up watching cartoons next to me. There is no quiet. There is no me time. That sounds selfish as I write it but it’s the truth. What do I do for me?

It is going to be very hard for me to change how life has been for so long but I feel that for me to really help my family it’s something I have to do. Repeats of yesterday don’t need to happen. They shouldn’t happen! Yes, his anger will happen but if I am a better person for myself I can help him better and help him be better. For all of us.

Right now it begins with me.


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