As a parent there are times when we just can’t keep it all together.
Our job descriptions are large. Patient, loving, kind. Teacher of all things. Maker of mistakes. Supporter. Always encouraging. Chauffeur. Cook. All they while the expectations are high. Expectations that you will not lose your shit. That you will always have it all together as well as your outward appearance.
Well that has not been the case for me the past few days. I thought I’d share with you all the ways I have lost my shit the past few days. Maybe all in one day or spread throughout the course of a few days. Still, I’ve lost my shit a few times just in the first week of school being out.
We made a trip to Costco. We have Levi’s birthday party coming up and a big road trip coming. I wanted to have enough snacks and food for both. When we got to the car I asked Levi to put all the cold stuff in the cold bag. Easy, right? WRONG! He proceeded to throw a huge fit (because he couldn’t fill the bag) telling me he wants to move out so he can be more “Independent,” yet he can’t fill a damn cold grocery bag by himself. He yelled many other things at me like how I don’t love him while I finished loading the groceries ignoring him. Until I got in the car. I turned around to face him and lost it. Surprisingly, Calmly, Lost it. Telling him to move out and be independent you need to be responsible and be able to fill your own grocery bags. But if he wanted to move out when we got home, he could. We drove on to the Wal-Greens to pick up Delylahs meds but the whole way all I heard was how I don’t love Levi, he’s moving out and I’m such an Ass-Hole. Here is the real lose it moment…… We got out of the car and in the parking lot in front of who knows how many people (I did not give a shit at this point) I grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him close to my face. I told him not to utter one more word. That he was to stay right next to me throughout the entire store with his mouth closed. I let him go, straightened out his clothes and we went in like nothing.
Ya, not the finest moment. But he was quiet from that moment on. When we got home, he took some time to himself and was remorseful for the awful things he was saying. UUUGGGHHHH! I so badly wanted to scream!
On a trip to Target to pick up other meds from the CVS inside there, we decided to check out books while we waited. Only this caused a meltdown with Delylah. I told her I would buy her a book but we had 15 minutes and we were leaving. She couldn’t pick a book. I gave her a couple of options which were not good enough and the meltdown began. Crying, upset over BOOKS! I started out calm, trying to help her pick out a book. None of my choices were good enough. It’s not like we are at a Barnes and Noble where the book selections are ginormous. It’s freaking Target. There is 1 row of books. Pick a damn book! After 30 minutes of crying I told her that’s it. I’m not waiting anymore. Pick a book or not, I’m walking away. Nothing but tears from here. But I walked away. Leaving my 7-year-old in the book section of Target.
Same thing happened over shoes at Famous Footwear. Why do us parents take our kids anywhere at this point? She could not pick out the perfect shoe. I was patient. An hour of patience. More than most parents have. But the crying. The crying is what gets me. Have a hard time finding shoes, that’s fine. But why do you have to cry about it? After an hour, she left with no shoes. We got in the car and I didn’t drive. They were dumbfounded for a minute. I didn’t even turn around but said, “Am I a Bad Mom?” What the hell was I doing wrong? Buying my kids new shoes that they need. New books because they want them and food and shit for their birthdays and a road trip?
On the way home from this same trip they were arguing with me about how they knew something and I didn’t. They were wrong though and I was telling them the facts and more so they would be more knowledgable about whatever it was we were talking about. They continued to argue with me that I was wrong. Again, I snapped. I said (quite rudely),” Why don’t you just tell me to shut up because I’m stupid?” The conversation ended and they knew I was over it all!
We don’t have to have it all together all the time. I certainly do not. Most people are afraid of onlookers and gossipers. I really don’t give 2 shits. I was doing something about my kids while trying to stay as patient as possible. Even in my lose it moments, I wasn’t yelling, screaming or cussing at them like you often see and hear. They way I react towards them (for the most part) teaches them how to react in intense situations. For the most part, I am calm. Unlike a grown up who usually knows when it’s time to stop, they are kids and don’t have a stopping point yet. They will get there but on that path I will lost my shit a few more times. Maybe a few more times a week.
Don’t feel bad when you lose your shit. It happens to everyone!
Happy Wednesday My Friends
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