One year ago is when we got the news of where we would be transferred too. The final word had been given to Travis that he would have a job in Texas and we knew he would be taking it. I wrote this extremely optimistic post about moving and what Texas would be like for us. (You can read it here → The Wait Is Over)
As I was re-reading that post, and many others that I have written, I realize how optimistic and cheesy I sound all the time. Maybe not recently, but especially when I started my blog. That is not to say that I have lost my optimism, it is still there. I am also a realist. It took a long while for me to let things hit me with this move. So when they did, they hit me hard. That doesn’t mean that I don’t think being in a different place is good for our family. I believe that change is good. All kinds of change.
We knew we would be moving but getting the final word was devastating and the only way for me to cope with it was by being optimistic. Knowing I was leaving behind my family and friends. My “Little Patch Of Heaven” from the world. I stayed strong and kept my smile for those around me. It was not ideal. But it helped them and it did help me get through some of the tough times. If I could go back and do it differently, I probably wouldn’t. I would most likely be the strong person I am to help those around me and worry about myself later.
Being in such a different place has been good and bad for the kids. Just like being back in Anza. You have the kids that influence your kids in the not so good ways. There are people who are not so nice. Don’t get me started on the way people drive. But they would drive just as idiotic in Anza. There are a ton of similarities. It’s just the suburbs and Anza is very far from that.
Shortly after we moved I had surgery and wasn’t able to do much so finding what would make me happy here was put on hold. The kids started school and I was going through the motions and emotions but not really figuring out where my place should be in our new place. Instead of figuring it out, I threw myself into friendships that would take up all of my time and not allow me to have time to even think about being in Texas. I guess you could figure out how well that worked for me. That’s a mom’s job. (And a dad’s job) To be the strong ones for the family. Despite my set backs of letting it all show lately, I am still strong and figuring out my place here and showing my family how to preserver.
Texas is not my favorite place. I really dislike meeting people and having them tell me how much cheaper it is to live here. Assuming that just because I’m from California, I’m from LA or San Diego. I would really have loved to buy land and live somewhere on the outskirts of a town but it was far more expensive than our budget allowed. I still peruse the realty sites in hopes of finding something but it is all just too expensive.
It has taking some time, almost a year to be exact, but I am trying to find things to do to fill my time and make me happy here. It was ranching back in California on my 40 acres of solitude. I have been gardening more and focusing on the yard. There is only so much yard but I have more plans for it. Yoga has called out to me and I have found that I sleep better and am far less anxious when I have a daily practice of it. I tried my hand at volunteering at school. That is definitely not for me! That is stressful and I give the people who do that a ton of credit! More power to ya for dealing with all those little chatter boxes!
What I do know is that I don’t have to have it all figured it out right now. I don’t know if I want to garden everyday or throw clay on my potter’s wheel. I have no idea if yoga is what I will be doing in a year, although I think that one I will stick with. I just know that I’m allowed to not know. I’m allowed to be optimistic and realistic and freak out all at the same time if I want to. If I need to. I don’t have to be happy or sad or talk to anyone about anything. I am just trying to be the best I can be for my family no matter what that happens to be at the moment. Maybe that is me losing my shit. My family still loves me and most likely knows that’s what I need at the moment and that it won’t last very long. They know me better than anyone.
Texas has brought out a lot of emotions in all of us. We are all here together. Figuring it out, learning new things in a new place. I stick by what I said in my post from one year ago. We don’t have to have it all figured out to move forward. Don’t dwell on what went wrong or what is going wrong. Focus on what to do next and spend your energy on moving forward.
Happy Wednesday My Friends
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