I Thought We Were Friends, But Maybe Not

As you grow older you can sometimes more easily realize who is your “real” friend and who isn’t. I know Travis and I have gone through many friendships of people just using us to get what they want and then when they are done they split or when we are done they try to back pedal their way our of taking advantage of us by using every excuse in the book. So, I thought we were at a place now where we had our good friends. There are very few of them. People we could count on and that could count on us. People that would tell us if something is bothering them, whether it be with us or their own lives, instead of holding it in to just stop talking to us all together without us even knowing there was a problem.

That actually doesn’t bother me that much. I don’t mind losing friends. If I lost them, they weren’t meant to be anyways. Except for that the fact that all the people we are friends with have kids. So inevitably our kids make friends. When your “friends” do that, they aren’t just taking away your friendship but the friendships your kids have built with each other as well and that is where I have a problem.

Maybe you don’t agree with how we live or what we do. That’s fine. I don’t need someone in my life that is judging me all the time. If you have an issue, just tell me. I am not going to change or be mad but then we all know how you feel. Once that is done and you don’t want to continue a friendship with me then again, tell me! Instead, people say nothing and now my kids are wondering what they did and why they can’t play with their friends. I have no answer because the people I thought were our friends decided not to share a problem with me. If there was one at all.

Friendship isn’t always easy. It goes both ways. People get busy and lives change. Does that mean you lose all sense of communication and leave other people hanging? My best friend of 19 years, going on 20 years, lives far from me. We don’t talk everyday and sometimes we don’t talk every month. But we do still keep in contact and don’t hold it over the other one about why they haven’t been calling. I know if I haven’t talked to her for 5 months and I need to vent she will listen. I know that if it’s been that long and I call her just to chat she’s not going to act like I’ve been to busy for her. Everyone has a life and our lives are constantly changing.

My kids are too young yet to understand how true friendship works and when this came about no matter how I explained it, they feel like the bad guy. I have a problem with that. All because some other grown ass people, that are supposed to be our friends, couldn’t share how they felt. Whether they feel like we are too busy for them or never call them. Maybe it’s because we drink. I’ll never know.

That is why I don’t just make friends with every Tom, Dick and Sally around. That is why to be my friend you must win my trust.

Friendship is hard and if it’s a friendship that’s worth it, you figure it out. I have called and tried my best. Asked questions but got nothing. Sometimes there is no figuring it out and you have to let it go. I’ve let go a lot of friends in my life and I know the ones I still have are the ones that are meant to be. I hope to teach my kids that as well.

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