Sometimes it’s hard to be a good friend. Sometimes it’s best to be the bigger person and sometimes it’s best to eat  brownies, drink wine and vent. Luckily, I have some tips on how to be just that kind of friend!

BE AN AVERAGE SIZED PERSON- Do you like hanging out with really skinny people that make you feel fat? Or heavier/thicker people that make you feel skinny? Me neither. That’s why I eat ice cream and drink. I don’t want to make my friends feel fat while hanging out with me and I don’t want to feel like the skinny little bitch either. I just drink a few more beers and have a block a cheese. It’s the least I could do for my friends.

DON’T DO A FANTASTIC JOB OF CLEANING YOUR HOUSE- It’s comforting when I walk into a friend’s house and there’s clutter on the counters, fingerprints on windows and mirrors and laundry not being washed. I do clean…a lot. Sometimes I feel like it’s all I do. But, especially right now, it’s not “clean, clean” and if your house looks like mine we are all being good friends!

MAKE SURE YOUR KIDS ANNOY THE SHIT OUT OF YOU WHILE YOU’RE ON THE PHONE- Anyone who talks to me on the phone knows that is the time my kids all of sudden need everything. Or they fight! I like to think this is a special gift for my friends. It helps make them feel more normal when their kids do the same thing. Or it makes them feel super awesome because their kids never do it!

SCREW UP DINNER- Or forget about it all together. It makes your guests/friends feel like amazing cooks! I have BBQ’d and burnt everything. It immediately makes everyone feel like they are better at cooking than me. It’s the least I could do.

NEVER LOOK TOO PUT TOGETHER- I used to never leave my house without being somewhat put together. Now, I don’t do my hair, wear make up or wear clothes without stains. I either make people feel awesome because they look great or think I’m a crazy person. Which also makes them feel better. haha

UPDATE YOUR FB STATUS WISELY- You will never see me posting things on Facebook like, “My kids LOVE picking up their toys” or “Oh my gosh, I have to buy myself smaller jeans (again)!”  No, you won’t. Because I am a good friend. Instead, I post things like: “Man – my kid just puked again,” or “Bugs suck!” or “How did I manage to gain 10 pounds this week?” Be a good friend – think before you Facebook.

STOP CLEANING YOUR MINI-VAN- I have this one mastered. Mini vans are for road trips packed with anything and everything that will be spilled all over, smashed into the carpet and lost forever under the seats. I wonder what the smell is but not too much as to make me go looking for it. This has helped to ward off any mini-van jealousy from my friends who thought they wanted one and haven’t gotten it yet.

WHERE PJ’S or YOGA PANTS EVERYWHERE- When I see a mom out wearing her Scooby Doo pajamas I instantly feel better about what I have on. You want to be a great friend? Rock some PJ’s or Yoga pants…..always!

LEAVE SOME FLOATERS- I can certainly count on my kids for this one. They never, ever flush the toilet! It’s like an ice breaker. Nothing makes someone feel cleaner than you, than leaving some stinky floaters in the bathroom.

Some of these are easier to implement than others but once you get the hang of it, we can all be better friends!

Happy Wednesday My Friends



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