Face It, Kids Are Loveable Ass Holes

We had quite a weekend!

I love watching kids play and being nice to each other but let’s face it, that only happens 30% of the time if we are lucky. The moment that you take them out of the house for a little change they act even worse and begin to put their hands on each other so they can get attention from anyone who will look their way.

We had some friends over on Saturday. Friends I haven’t seen in 8 years. Their daughter was the flower girl in my wedding and we had grown up together. While we are all swimming, Delylah begins to cry. It was a case of he hit me so I hit her back and she is over dramatic because I know she can beat up her brother if she really wanted to. At this point, they both get punished with just saying I’m sorry and a warning that if it happens again they have to get out of the pool. That’s not good enough for Levi who seeks revenge! Why doesn’t she ever get in trouble! Because you hit her back and you’re 5 years older! DUH!

Let me tell you about the groan. UUGGGHHH. If you haven’t heard it from your pubescent kid or your growing drama queen, you soon will and it will drive you nuts! All I asked was for him to get his swim trunks on and come to the pool. UUGGGHHHH! So much groaning. You would think he was part animal. Of course, when he gets in the pool he’s happy as can be. Thanks for all the troubles kid!

Frequenting stores with kids, I have a 50/50 chance of them being ass holes to each other just for attention. Like, look at me pulling my sisters hair, annoying the shit out of her just because I can and I think it’s funny. While she cries and then turns around and throat punches him and we are in the check out line. I smile and the clerk looks at me with sympathy but also like why they hell does this lady have kids. Yes, those are my Beastie Hellions. No, they don’t normally act like this but they want you to look at them and they have succeeded. They won. That’s what matters to them. React like a crazy person and you lose. You are just like them and then the clerk knows where they got it from. Breath and usher your children to the car where you can beat them while cursing at them and threatening them with taking away everything they love away if they do it again. And don’t worry. They will do it again!

Do you like clean windows? If you have kids you shouldn’t like clean windows, glass or stainless steel appliances. As soon as I clean any of that, what do my Beasties do? It’s like they pull their pants down and rub their bare butts on it. You specifically say, Don’t touch that because I just cleaned it. That’s your first mistake. That is their in. They begin to act like ninjas to see who can put more smudges on whatever it happens to be first and without getting caught. You begin to wonder….who’s kids are these?

Then there are the times they are the sweetest, most loving to each other and to the people around them. That makes you think, there’s my kids but also whose kids are these?

Levi is always helping the kids who can’t swim. So gentle and kind. No groaning of any sort. Helping them up and down the stairs if they need it. Really, just very helpful and there if they get hurt. Delylah is more playful and protective but doesn’t throw throat punches at every kid who touches her. Just at her brother.

Kids are ass holes. Loveable, compassionate, dramatic, attention seeking ass holes.

Happy Monday My Friends


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3 thoughts on “Face It, Kids Are Loveable Ass Holes

  1. Haha I love this so much and it’s so true! Kids will do all the things you tell them not to, and they will pester each other until the end of time.

  2. Whenever I see kids acting up in the store, I think to myself, ‘Why is that person a parent? I was NEVER that bad as a kid.’ But then, I have to put myself in my Mom’s shoes and she’d tell you flat-out that I’m a liar.

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