Advice That Will NEVER End Sibling Rivalry

In a family there’s always togetherness because you’re always TOGETHER! This isn’t always a bad thing. Except when the kids are always fighting. While I love being a referee, I am in need of a break from all the bickering. And by break I mean I’d rather be getting waxed in areas I’ve never been waxed going through excruciating pain, than hear them argue for another minute.

I found myself online searching for some expert advice that I was sure some other parents had no doubt figured out already. That when implemented would leave my children frolicking through the fields singing together.

What I found was a bunch of bullshit!

So in no particular order here are some “helpful” ways to stop your kids from fighting.

1. Be Patient- I’m betting the only “child” this person has is a four legged fur child or they really only have 1 child!

2. Start an Acts of Kindness Lists- I can already hear my son rolling his eyes at this. The nicest thing I’ve heard him say to his sister today was “Can you smell my fart? I saved it in your backpack.”

3. Make your children share their toys- Hahahaha, Bahahahaha, Hahahaha. Ok, for 1, I just don’t agree with this anyways. And for 2, let’s make them share with each other ya this is going to work for all of 2 seconds before the next argument of when is it my turn ensues.

4. Stop and Spend Time Together- I’m pretty sure the last thing we need is more time together. Our entire last argument stemmed from being together. One can only debate the effectiveness of anothers ability or inability to brush anothers teeth when one is sitting too damn close!

5. Begin the day in harmony- You can only do this if everyone is a morning person. In this family not everyone is a morning person. The one that is not a morning person can ruin everyones shit. And he does!

6. Listen to both side- It would be helpful to listen to both sides but while one is super pissed and can’t actually remember what happened because he can’t calm himself enough and won’t give himself enough time to calm down before opening his damn mouth and the other one is crying so much you can’t understand a word she’s saying, I don’t want to hear their sides. They sound like two crazy animals fornicating in the wild and I now have of wild dogs watching out front. Just calm yourselves and hush up!

7. Space your Children 3 years apart- That’s super advice and your article sucks! My kids are 5 years apart and none of your shit matters whether they are 3 years apart or not.

8. Don’t Accuse- Children as a species are big fat liars. You are lucky if yours does not and technically you don’t even know that. Usually my 10 year old tells on himself because luckily I can tell when he lies and he knows it. My 5 year old is still a liar, she’s bad at it but doesn’t give a shit about consequences. So forgive me if I don’t sit back calmly while she tells me that she didn’t hit my 10 year old with a mag lite, she swears on her life. Do I ignore the giant purple black eye he immediately starts getting? Right…Accusations are the least of my worries.

9. Celebrate Your Childrens Fights- “What a great opportunity to teach relationship skills and conflict resolution.” Ya Awesome Punch to your sisters face kid! Super Elbow to your brothers gut..That wouldn’t have happened if you said this or did this..says no parent ever!

10. Lock your children in separate rooms and grab a cocktail- Oh wait, that’s my advice..I may be onto something here.

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