It’s no surprise that I do a lot as a mom. I always thought it was my job. Come to find out, since there is no book or manual you can’t really say what’s in the job description. I have been a maid, short order cook, detective. Just about everything my kids could ever want or need. I’m going to start practicing a more simple approach to this “job.”
I’m not a detective. I’m not responsible for finding things in the house or figuring out who did what. If they lost it, it’s gone and they need to learn to manage their own conflicts between siblings.
I’m not psychic. I don’t think it’s my job to always figure out what my kids want or need. I don’t want to worry about their behavior or if I’m scarring them for life. There are better things to worry about.
I am not a maid. I am the one who takes the time to super clean the house but I don’t think I should have to do that. I do the laundry and clean but to have a sparkling clean house (like I usually do) shouldn’t be a priority for me. My kids have some chores but maybe it’s not enough.
I am not a cook. That’s usually where Travis comes in. I know how to prepare and serve delicious food but I should be doing it for myself not for my kids. They will be perfectly content eating kiss soup or hot dogs if given the choice anyways.
I fight and argue with my kids trying to get them to do things even when I give them a choice. When really it shouldn’t matter.
Are they safe and alive?
Are they dressed in weather appropriate clothes?
Are the fed? Did they get enough sleep?
If they answer is yes to any of that there should be no fight. They are ok. You are doing it right.
I shouldn’t have to lose myself in motherhood everyday. No one should. We don’t have superhuman powers, despite what some people may think. We are just moms. We are just people.
Dealing with an angry kid seems to be a daily occurrence. He has gotten so much better than he once was but the anger is still there and will always be there. That’s one thing I know that I will never fix. As a parent we want to fix everything. We just CAN’T! I have spent a greater part of his life putting everything I have towards him to help him, to make him better and forgetting about myself. When really if I wanted to help him I would be putting myself first. Yes, that sounds bizarre but if I were at my best I would be a better parent. Be able to be happy, patient and logical no matter what the situation was with him.
During his meltdowns yesterday all I wanted to do was whoop his ass and then leave him in his room while I left to get a breather. I kept it together enough that none of that happened but the way I talked to him wasn’t nice and probably did no good because of where my head was. I know better. I’m an adult and I haven’t been where he is so I don’t know how he feels but I do know how to have patience. It’s so hard to have patience when the anger is directed towards you constantly and the words that come from their mouths are so hurtful whether they mean them or not. I have had patience for 3 years and counting now…………….
The hardest part of parenting is figuring it out. Only, you are lucky if you ever really do figure it out. The struggle I have is real and I know many other parents have the same struggle and are embarrassed to talk about it or get help. I’m not embarrassed. I know I’m wrong half the time if not more. But I’m trying. I also know that I’m not 100%. I don’t do anything for myself. My whole world is focused around my kids, my house, my ranch. To do better for everyone else I realize I have to do better for myself. I thought having this blog was a good step in that direction but I write this around my kids schedule. I don’t take time out and go in another room for quiet with my thoughts. I usually wake up before them to write or like today Delylah is up watching cartoons next to me. There is no quiet. There is no me time. That sounds selfish as I write it but it’s the truth. What do I do for me?
It is going to be very hard for me to change how life has been for so long but I feel that for me to really help my family it’s something I have to do. Repeats of yesterday don’t need to happen. They shouldn’t happen! Yes, his anger will happen but if I am a better person for myself I can help him better and help him be better. For all of us.
Right now it begins with me.
For Christmas, Travis and I bought each other nothing. We decided that we needed a new mattress and that’s pretty damn expensive but that was all we needed. Yesterday we took the kids mattress shopping with us! They had a great time trying out all the different mattresses. We already knew what we were looking for so we weren’t there very long but the kids were so content with trying everything out. Needless to say our mattress will be delivered tomorrow!!! Merry Christmas to us!
After our fun at the mattress store, we took the kids to see the new Star Wars movie! Definitely not Delylahs thing. She was asking to go home in the first 30 minutes poor girl. Levi dug every minute of it though. It was worth the line we had to stand in even though I purchased tickets before hand.
The kids got christmas money that I would have rather them saved but of course it was burning a hole in their piggy banks. Delylah was quite upset Santa didn’t bring her a minion (it’s a ridiculous toy that I was not about to spend my money on) so she wanted to spend her money and buy it. She did and it’s annoying! Levi wanted more video games. After going to 5 stores for this 1 video game I was ready for the melt down of a life time. But he held it together and today after some school work we will try to download the game. Which is cheaper for him. That’s a Win!
Of course now that all that’s done and christmas is over I look around and see all these decorations that I have to take down and put away or throw away…..Choices!