Monthly Archives: October 2015

5 Going On 15

Every morning since Delylah started school we have had some major struggles. You would think she was a teenager not a 5 year old. It’s not over breakfast or waking up, it’s over clothes and what other kids will think. No matter what I tell her she is adamant about what the other kids say (little jerks) and what starts out as an awesome morning every day turns to shit before we leave the house.

Yesterdays emotional break down was over shoes. She was dressed super cute in black and white striped pants and an over sized sweater and she chose black shoes with a small heel. (yes at 5) She was all ready to go and we were heading out when she sat down, started crying, took her shoes off and slammed them in the shoe bucket. What the hell was wrong with them? She didn’t want kids to talk to her about her shoes. Seriously? So we  went for her pink flats. But NO something was wrong with them too. She ended up wearing her Krav Maga sneakers and still wasn’t happy but we were leaving regardless.

We also had a lovely break down over her sweater. It’s damn cold and she has to wear a sweater or jacket. Those are the choices. Pick one dammit and let’s go! But one was too puffy, her hair got stuck in another one last week and one is ugly! Finally she picked one. She felt cute enough and we got to leave.

Everyday we have a conflict over her hair. She has beautiful long hair that flows to her butt. It’s nice and thick and straight! I have always done her hair all different types of ways but we never leave it down. She hates getting tangles. As of late she only wants a pony or a braid. If I am doing her hair she will put her hands on her head just to feel what I am doing and if it’s not a pony or a braid she will run away from me, have another break down until I promise to only do a pony. No bun, No cool looking side french braid…nothing.

Since when did my awesome, fun having daughter turn into an emotional freak!? Since she started school! Don’t get me wrong. She has always been emotional but now that she has started school it has tripled her emotional status. She’s afraid of what other kids will think. She doesn’t want all of the attention on her. What if they don’t like what she’s wearing or how her hair is? She is only 5 for crying out loud. I can only imagine what middle school and high school will be like!

Wish me luck because I have long road ahead!

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My New Name

Everyday, without fail my kids decide to change my name. I hear it so often that I now believe my “Mom” name might not be “Mom.”

Tell me if this sounds familiar to anybody else.

I will tell them to pick up and get ready for bed. I hear “BUT MOM.”

Stop hitting your sister (or brother). “BUT MOM.”

You have to eat all of something on your plate before you can be excused. “BUT MOM.”

Put on clean underwear after you shower. “BUT MOM.”

Pick up your dirty underwear off the floor and put it where it goes. “BUT MOM.”

Everyone’s going to help feed animals before we leave. “BUT MOM.”

Be nice to your friends. Geez. “BUT MOM.”

Sometimes my name changes from Mom to BUT MOM and also this…

What did I tell you? Just listen the first time. “UGH GOD.”

Use your words. “UGH GOD.”

Let mommy finish her blog. “UGH GOD.”

We have to go down the hill again so go get ready. “UGH GOD.”

“GOD, YOU’RE SO MEAN SOMETIMES.”

So excuse me if I don’t answer you when you talk to me. I’m confused as to what my name is. BUT MOM, UGH GOD, MOM. They need to pick one and stick with it.

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Reasons I Don’t Clean Out My Car

We are always on the go. Going to Krav Maga. Going to appointments. Going to friends and school. Traveling to see family that doesn’t live close. Just always going somewhere. For this, I am thankful that I have a mini van! We put down the far back seats, load up and drive! Because of this my car is a collector of things and I don’t spend every day or even every weekend cleaning it out, even though I probably should. Eventually it will get some weird smell inside and I don’t know if it’s a kids dirty sock or sports clothes or maybe just some food smeared somewhere. Or maybe a mouse found its way in and is eating all the food my kids decide to share with whatever creatures live on the floor. In any case, I have reasons for not cleaning out my car.

The biggest reason is I don’t have time. When I do get free time, the last thing I want to do is take over an hour to deep clean my car!

It’s just going to be destroyed again as soon as I clean it. I know this because that’s what happens right after I clean it every time!

I might be a little scared of what I’m going to find in there. I once found beans (from a bean and cheese burrito) inside the buckle part of the seat belt. How is that even possible? And blood on the seat where my kid sits from his bloody nose or what I believe was his bloody nose and I do believe it was my kids blood….

It means I’m going to have to find a place for the shit that has accumulated inside my car. It’s obviously in there because there’s no room anywhere else or I might need it in there someday. So what the hell do I do? Take it out or leave it? But then what’s the point of cleaning my car.

Those smears on my windows… Ya, I have no idea where those come from and they are both on the inside and outside of the windows. Gross!

If I take some of the stuff that’s in there out, that will be the exact day I end up needing it even though I haven’t touched it in a while. For example: I usually keep a bag of jackets/sweaters in the car. I took them out to wash them all. We went somewhere and all needed sweaters but I had none. I never put them back. In fact, they still aren’t back in there. We just froze that day.

Maybe, deep down inside I want to live up to the messy mini van mom thing. You know, you see a mom in a mini van with her kids and you know that things got to be hammered with candy wrappers, clothes and food all over. If that’s the case, I’m doing it right!!

Ok, maybe some of these are reasons I should clean out my car. But really, we are just gonna go trick or treating this weekend and get more crap in it and all over it.

Do you clean out your car?

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Moms Vs Dads

Moms and Dads do things differently. Sometimes, very rarely, they can do things the same but more often than not the things they do are just different. Not just moms and dads but men and women in general. For instance:

Dads way- When their boy gets hurt they say “brush it off, suck it up.” When their girl gets hurt they coddle her and make sure she’s ok.                         

Moms way- When either boy or girl gets hurt she just makes sure they are ok and tells them to go back and play.

Moms way- Goes into the bathroom, wipes it down makes sure there’s always toilet paper.

Dads way- Goes in the bathroom just to go to the bathroom, realizes there’s no toilet paper and yells until someone brings it.

Moms way- Get on the ground and play with the kids even if they don’t want to or like what the kids are playing just so they can spend time together.

Dads way- Play from the couch or chair because there is no way they are sitting on the ground. That will kill their back!

Dads way- Teach the kids to use power tools and fix things.

Moms way- Teach the kids to clean up after themselves and also fix things.

Moms way- Have a plan for the day on what is going to happen, even if it doesn’t happen exactly like it.

Dads way- Fly by the seat of his pants. Whatever happens, happens. Whatever gets done, gets done.

Dads way- Kid gets in trouble and dad is super lenient. Saying “Don’t do that again.”

Moms way- Moms have them think of their own punishment or give them one. After said punishment have a talk about what they learned from it. Either way they end up saying they hate mom first.

Dads way- It’s dinner time and everyone is sitting at the table. Kids have hardly touched their food but dad says “3 more bites and you’re done.”

Moms way- “Eat all of something on your plate or don’t get up.”

Dads way- The boy comes home from school and is extremely interested in girls. First thing dad does is have “the talk.” Then ask how cute the girl is.

Moms way- Mom let’s him know there will be no dating until a certain age! If at that certain age mom is screwed!

Moms way- Mom will have a dance party and get down with the kids.

Dads way- Dad will sit and watch football while said dance party is going on yelling from the other room to turn down the music.

Dads way- He lets mom sleep in (rare) or moms not home and he has to get the kids ready for school. The kids clothes don’t match or have stains on them, the girl’s hair is pulled into a dudes pony and no ones teeth were brushed.

Moms way- Makes sure the kids have “clean” clothes on and match as much as the kids will let her. Girls hair is brushed, braided and looking nice and everyone has pearly whites!

Moms way-  Potty training she calls private parts what they are for her daughter. Vagina. For some reason calls the boys a Weiner instead of penis but that’s close.

Dads way- Can’t even utter the word Vagina to his daughter and cringes every time he hears her say it. But weiner is made into a joke…a long running joke!

Dads way- Kids have bad grades. Dad says “Your not working to your potential, Dumbass.”

Moms way- “I know you can do better.”

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